Model Exes: Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen

I usually find the magazines in the supermarket checkout so depressing.  In fact, now that I think about it, that may be one of the things I like best about Whole Foods and River Valley Market.  They don’t peddle garbage to you as you are trying to leave.

However, today I was behind someone slow at Stop n Shop and saw an article in People magazine that grabbed my attention.  Valerie Bertinelli got remarried recently, and her famous ex husband Eddie Van Halen was in attendance.  Bertinelli and Van Halen wed in 1981, when I was fourteen, and it made an impression on my young adolescent mind.  As the years passed, and they outlasted all expectations, I was actually happy that they beat the odds.  But like many long-term Hollywood marriages, like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, theirs did not last.  Marriage is difficult under so-called normal circumstances, it would seem damned near impossible for people who have a constant stream of attractive admirers offering themselves up.

Now that I seem to have morphed into the new role of peaceful divorcee, my impressionable middle-aged mind looks around for signs of happy divorced couples that are still friendly and doing a good job of co-parenting together.  I know that it is a bit quixotic to look to celebrities for role models, but the truth is that they do get a lot of our society’s attention.  I have been disappointed in the way that the Huffington Post has reported celebrity break ups (usually train wrecks).

Call me an optimist, but when I read about Elizabeth Edwards’ death and heard that John was with her at the end, I imagined peace.  I imagined forgiveness.  I imagined nothing but the expression of love, for the family that they created, and for each other.  None of us will probably know what when on in that room, but that’s my vision of it.

So I was delighted to see that Bertinelli and Van Halen are still good friends.  People reported that Van Halen and his new wife were guests at the small wedding, and there are photos of the bridegroom hugging the ex-husband.  I couldn’t help but feel my heart melt a bit at that photo (you’ll have to check out the magazine to see it because it’s not on-line).  It was a genuine expression of affection and happiness over his ex-wife’s new union.  Who knew that I would turn to Eddie Van Halen as a role model?  Maybe he hasn’t handled everything in his life the way I would, but he seems to have handled his divorced life well.

That’s how I envision my future: my ex and I happy for each others’ successes and pleased that we have found other partners, having extended family celebrations together, maybe even attending each others’ weddings.  It certainly takes time to get there, but I feel like we have come to a place where we could do that.  Already I have come to see that his current girlfriend is both great for him and the kids (a future post in the making).  So here’s to deep and loyal friendship after divorce.  If two celebrities with high pressure lives can do it, so can anyone.

Small Town Life, or How to Make New Friends after Divorce

Fall in Northampton, taken by my talented yogini friend Lisa Echevarria

This morning I invited a new friend from yoga to brunch after class.  He said he was busy because he was going to be interviewed about his record label on the local college radio station.  We chatted a little bit more about it, and it turned out that the interviewer was none other than the husband of my good friend Jane.  This is what it’s like living in a small town.  Instead of the famed six degrees of separation, there is usually one, maybe two at most.

Northampton is a college town of about 30,000 people located in Western Massachusetts.  Not only is it host to Smith College, but it is also the main cultural center for four other colleges nearby (I teach at one of them).  When my ex and I moved here seven or so years ago, I really knew very little about it except that it had some nice stores and restaurants.  What I soon discovered is that is a haven for educated, cultured, liberal-minded, even at times eccentric people.  More than anything else, though, is that despite the renowned New England reserve, people in Northampton are super friendly.  So maybe I have been shushed a time or two for my loud laugh at the local establishments, but truly, this is a town that is very welcoming. Read the rest of this entry »

Object to Nothing

Last Saturday evening I was dining with a couple of friends and their kids, and we ladies decided to set a challenge for ourselves for the week.  We decided that we would embrace the adage that my sister is so fond of “Object to Nothing.”  The idea behind it is that if you have an open mind, you might find a new path interesting, instructive, even life-changing.  It’s also a means of making sure that you are not thwarting with negativity opportunities that are coming your way.

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The Friendly Divorce

By Lori from In Pursuit of Martha Points

I believe most people who have endured the process would find the term an oxymoron. In truth, I believe it a rare animal. I also believe that even most of those who say, in the terminally dimming twilight of their marriage, that they are committed to remaining friendly and caring through the process find that the final relationship death throes carry too much weight and grief for much in the way of love and care to survive the process.

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