Making Peace With Divorce

The reader comments on my recent Huffington Post article on sons of divorce have been fairly eye opening for me.  I am a bit amazed at the amount of hostility towards divorcees.  Some of these comments come from jilted spouses who are determined to make everyone see that divorcees are uncaring liars who egregiously broke their wedding vows.  Others seem to believe that divorce is the ruination of not only the children involved but also of future generations.  Selfish seems to be the epithet of choice, as ex spouses are excoriated for failing to put their children first.

When I told one of my best friends that I wanted to show people that divorce can be a good thing, she said to me that no one wants to hear that.  I immediately reframed my remarks.  If about half of the population is divorcing anyways, I’d like to let people know that you can find happiness after divorce, that you can maintain loving relations with your ex spouse and that you can also raise happy and well-adjusted children.  Is that such a radical notion?

Read the rest of this entry »

Single Awareness Day

Valentines Day is so controversial.  One of my students, who recently broke up with her boyfriend and whose parents are going through a divorce, aptly termed it “Single Awareness Day.”  She does make a good point.  Even if you’re happy being single, this day has the ability to make you feel like a girl that hasn’t been asked to the prom (I so didn’t want to go anyway).

People must have a heightened sense of loneliness today because I received a bunch of e-mails on OKCupid (my new online dating service- Match was too boring).  I also received some Valentine’s wishes through text.  While the sentiment is lovely, I really found myself wanting to forgo the reminders.

According to the Huffington Post Divorce section, divorce filings increase around Valentine’s Day as unhappy spouses see romantic couples and sweet TV commercials reminding us of the importance of love, and they realize that their relationship is over.  So while some may see it as the most romantic day of the year, others feel bitter and resentful about the lack of passion and partner appreciation.  Aren’t we giving this day too much power? Read the rest of this entry »

Monday Morning You’re Sure to Find…

…my kids reading the New Yorker before breakfast.  Clearly my ex and I have to be very careful what kind of behavior we are modeling.  I should have listened when warned about the dangers of the liberal media.  Look at what it has done to my kids.  Layla doesn’t even have pants on.

A Thanksgiving Recipe

Prepare:
The opening act sets the tone.
We started with the pumpkin pie.
Layla was my right hand gal.
While the house filled with warmth
And delicious aromas, she played Bananagrams
With her dad, who couldn’t resist
Getting in on the domestic bliss.
Watch:
I promised Jonah that we could
See the latest Harry Potter movie.
We joined his best friend and dad.
Jonah’s eyes lit up with excitement.
Layla held my hand tightly throughout.
Practice:
I began the day with a
Vigorous yoga class.  It was packed
With others seeking to burn calories
And to find some inner peace
before feasting and seeing their families.
I gave and received foot massages
Stared into another’s eyes in wheel
And felt the love swirling in
My community of friends and yogis.
Shiva Shakti is like my church,
The best place to celebrate holidays.
Clean:
After cleansing my spirit, I showered,
The hot water contributing to my
Sense of ease and well being.
Then I felt inspired to clean,
A rare feeling indeed. I scrubbed,
Vacuumed and organized until my house
Sang in orderly pleasure, thereby ready
To open its doors to guests.
Cook:
Turkey on the grill, potatoes boiling,
Pomegranates seeding, fennel chopping, gravy simmering
The tastes all came together in
Perfect harmony, just like my friends
And family, stomachs empty, hearts full.

Serve:
Jonah gnawed on a turkey bone.
Layla ate politely but really just
Wanted to get to the pie.
My achiote turkey and sweet potato
Puree are still the favorite dishes.
Repose:
My ex and a friend washed
The dishes, while we played games
With the kids. Layla made us
Guess words that she was writing
In one of her many notebooks,
Jonah and RaRa watched skateboarding videos.
We chatted, laughed and marveled at
How you can never leave Ikea
And how fast the kids grow.
Then everyone departed, leaving me in
Quiet, blissful peace to reflect upon
This lovely holiday that truly had
The most delectable of all ingredients.

I am also thankful for Melissa at Six Word Fridays who provides me with great topics every week, for my readers who inspire me to keep writing, and my commenters who encourage me and give me great food for thought.

How did you give thanks yesterday?

Home? Oh…Me.

Here's my Mom in 1971 when we bought the house. Don't you love her boots?

When I was four, we bought

Our home.  I remember it well.

White stucco exterior, grey Tudor trim,

Avocado linoleum with matching painted bricks

Around the fireplace.  In the kitchen,

Patriotic paisley wallpaper, our living room

Had silver paper with white flowers

Mirrored tiles in the dining room.

Natal plum bushes, night-blooming jasmine, bougainvillea

In the backyard with a view

What a view…the Pacific Ocean

on one side, mountains on the

other.  But that wasn’t its magic.

It was the love that flowed

in every room, in every nook.

That was home for 31 years.

My sister and I have longed

To reproduce such a shangri-la for

Our kids, but as they say,

There is no place like home.

As I stand here in Massachusetts

I feel nostalgic, as if uprooted.

Home is where the heart is,

So where exactly is my heart?

With my divorce I considered moving

Back to my homeland of California.

Jonah dreams of adventures out West,

Like his grandparents did before him.

Layla only cares where I am.

What do I want?, you ask.

Be here now, Ram Dass said.

So here I am, in my

Happy Valley, during the academic year.

Christmases and summers in Cali, basking

In my family’s love.  I am

Here and there and possibly everywhere

Because in the end I know

People can move, children grow up.

Yet my home, my true home

Can only reside inside of me.

* * * * * * * * * *

This week’s topic was provided, of course, by Melissa at Six Word Fridays.  Please check out the other poems on the topic because this blog community  has some very talented writers in it.  As synchronicity would have it, Bruce, from the Privilege of Parenting, wrote a poignant piece this week called “Homeward Unbound” about visiting his childhood home and ailing father.  In it he refers to his blog and the readers that visit it as a kind of home.  I like that idea.  Welcome home, my friends.