My Favorite (Local) Fall Foods

Cooking, to me, has so many important functions.  The old saying goes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  Well, I think that works for both men and women.  It sure works for me, and the great part about it is that I am the one providing myself with the delicious food.  Like my yoga practice, cooking is an act of self-love.  It is also one of the ways in which I nurture my children.  Last week I made both pumpkin pie and banana bread and sent it with them in their lunches.  For that week, at least, I felt a sense of joy and satisfaction while packing their lunches instead of the usual drudgery mixed with dread.  My cooking is also a big draw for my ex husband and is certainly one of the reasons that he looks forward to our weekly family night dinners.

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Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

During this Friday’s family night dinner, my ex and I had an altercation.  He said something that I thought was demeaning to Jonah, and so I said something that he perceived was demeaning to him.  It was a classic scenario of old, where we both reacted (overreacted?) to each other’s comments too quickly and interpreted them to have malicious intent.  In addition, what I had said was true.  It was something that I have been frustrated about, and it was true.  I was right.  Even my friend Tobey, who very rarely takes my side of any argument, said to me a week or so ago that I had every right to feel frustrated about this particular issue.  Damn, in this case, it was so clear that I had truth and justice on my side.  I bet I could have started a Facebook group about this and gotten a thousand “likes” in twenty-four hours.  That’s how right I was.

Unfortunately, though, this wasn’t an argument that I was going to win.  Being right was just a bitter pill.  Trying to get him to see my point of view was just further polarizing the issue and leading us down an overgrown path that we both know is never, ever going to be cleared, no matter how many back hoes we run into it.

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A Happiness Reminder from my Students-Six Word Fridays

One of the things that I love about being a teacher is when my students teach something to me.  Today in my composition class, we were reading a brief description about the renowned Guatemalan human rights activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner Rigoberta Menchu.  One of the questions that followed the piece was about the contradiction between Menchu’s upbeat and jovial personality and the great pain that she suffered from the murder of her family members and the mistreatment of the Indigenous people.  Many of my students didn’t see that as a contradiction at all.  One argued that when you experience a great loss, you often lower your expectations of life and thus find more to be happy about.  Another said that when you have gone through a traumatic event and have survived, you often enjoy a new appreciation for life.  I was charmed by their answers because they reminded me of how I have felt since my divorce.

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Date Night

I am currently curled up in my cozy bed after a wonderful date.  No, I am not engaged in post-coital blogging.  The only afterglow that I am basking in is that of the delicious meal that I cooked.  Roasted butternut squash, tiny red potatoes, poblano peppers and leeks are seriously orgasmic.  Tonight’s date was with myself.

I looked forward to this date all day.  I thought about what I would wear, the food I would cook, the TV shows I would watch, the blogs that I would catch up on.  My platonic boyfriend Tobey tried to tempt me to have a drink with him tonight after yoga, but I told him of my plans.  He said, watch out because, like me, you might find that you are really good at single life.

Before any of my friends start calling for an intervention, I have to say a few words in my defense.  First of all, I just started back at school, where I interact with people all day, and I could use some alone time.  Second, this is really the first time in the three years since my divorce that I have chosen to spend blocks of time alone.

Right after my breakup I reveled in all the male attention I was getting and went on lots of dates.  Then I started making new friends and taking on new activities that engaged my attention.  I have to admit, though, that while this was great fun, I also dreaded having a night home alone, so I would make sure to schedule social engagements for all of my kid-free moments.  I was a little bit scared to spend time alone for fear that I would feel lonely.

Yet, lately, I just love my solo nights.  I get to cook what I want.  While my kids are pretty good eaters, they hate some of my favorites such as butternut squash (it’s so sweet that it’s like candy- what’s not to love?).  Tonight I got to cook and eat in peace and quiet.  No one was here to interrupt me.  No one spilled their food on the floor.  No one asked to watch TV.

Now I am blissfully alone in my incredibly comfy bed waiting for my Showtime lineup.  Tonight, with “Weeds” I get to fantasize that Andy Botwin/Randy Newman sous chef extraordinaire is my boy toy, not Nancy’s.  And I also get to live vicariously through Cathy while she spends her retirement money on a fancy sports car and floats in a stranger’s swimming pool without actually having cancer myself.

At last Thursday’s yoga group, my friend Jackson dropped the bomb that he had broken up with his girlfriend.  This week I think I will announce that I have broken up with Tobey.  It’s not him, it’s me.  I am having too much fun by myself.  I am like Cathy who, in tonight’s episode of “The Big C,” gets a Brazilian wax for no one other than herself, except, well…I don’t really have a Brazilian…right now.

Peace Takes Time

Recently I have received comments from other divorcees who long to have friendly relations with their exes, but unfortunately their exes are unwilling to participate.  Of course, you can bring a horse to water but can’t make it drink.  However, you can hold out hope and keep trying.  While my ex said he wanted to be friends after our breakup, it hasn’t always been so easy.  Peace has taken time to develop.

My intention has been to share positive stories about my ex because I don’t want to antagonize him (he does read my blog from time to time) and because I want to spread good feelings.  However, as was the case with the time I got mad at him for bringing his girlfriend over while I was out, I think that the following story about our first attempt to have Thanksgiving dinner together might be helpful for those of you who think that our peace seems so distant from your current situations. Read the rest of this entry »