How Divorce Gave Me My Groove Back

Don't I look groovy?

Reading Pamela Paul’s NYT article  “How Divorce Lost Its Groove” made me feel like I had just been kicked out of a club that I didn’t even know I belonged to.  The opening section transported me back four years to the feelings of failure, fear and stress that I felt when my husband announced that he was leaving our marriage.  Many of my friends reported similar reactions of chest tightness and stomach lurches upon reading the article.  One woman said that the article made her rue her divorce and wish that she could have made it work, despite the fact that she is madly in love with a great new guy.  Others said that it reactivated their feelings of shame.

When Paul interviewed me, I mentioned the ways in which my life had improved after divorce, but she was more interested in exploring the supposed newfound conservatism towards divorce amongst college-educated women.  As I read about Susan Gregory Thomas, the Park Slope matron turned Red Hook divorcée, I found myself wanting to know more than just how she was shunned by her married peers.  I wanted to ask her “How do you feel in your new marriage with your new baby?  Don’t you feel joy at having found love again?”  Like my aforementioned friend who is having a great new relationship, divorce can be an opportunity for a second chance at life, whether it be at love, career, parenting or self-actualization.  While divorce may not be viewed among upper-middle class married women as liberating, for those of us in difficult marriages, it can be just that.

Read the rest of this entry »

My Secret Joy

I’m so busy, time’s a ticking

My to do list is long

But I do want to share

A little secret with you all

Beyond the pressure, sadness and fear,

I have this wellspring of indescribable

Joy bubbling up inside of me

An excitement over things to come

An exhilaration over the new possibilities

Sure, change can be really hard

Yet it also holds delicious promise

It feels like cutting a pomegranate

Messy, arduous and seemingly oh-so bloody

But the delicate sweet rubies inside

Make it worth all the effort.

* * * * *

Melissa gave us joy this week.  I certainly loved that prompt!

Post-Divorce Love

He doesn’t live in my house

But still resides in my heart

We might not share a bed,

But we raise two beautiful children

He is no longer my husband

Yet he is my life partner

Because our kids are our life.

Read the rest of this entry »

My Divorce Community

When I faced the reality of

My impending breakup I realized that

I did not know anyone who

Had divorced, or did I? So

First, I contacted an old friend Read the rest of this entry »

Might I Ask for a Favor?

I have a list of things

That I might do, one day.

If the stars align just right

Or I make them a priority.

I might write a divorce memoir.

I might move back to California.

I might fall in love again.

I might even landscape my backyard.

Now I can scratch one of

Those might dos off my list:

Yesterday I published an article on

Peaceful divorce in the Huffington Post.

My might do is now reality.

So, my dear Six Word Friday

friends, my dedicated community of bloggers,

Might I ask for a favor?

Would you please do me the

Honor of commenting on that post?

I just might want to make

A good impression and let them

Know that peace and positivity do

have a place in the media.

Thank you for your support, friends.

* * * * * *

I never miss a Six Word Friday.  Might I interest you in their posts?

And what might be on your might do list?  Whatever it is, just do it.  It feels good.