Date Night
Posted: September 21st, 2010 | Author: Molly Monet | Filed under: happiness, single life | Tags: being alone, cooking, dating after divorce, happiness, tobey | 11 Comments »
I am currently curled up in my cozy bed after a wonderful date. No, I am not engaged in post-coital blogging. The only afterglow that I am basking in is that of the delicious meal that I cooked. Roasted butternut squash, tiny red potatoes, poblano peppers and leeks are seriously orgasmic. Tonight’s date was with myself.
I looked forward to this date all day. I thought about what I would wear, the food I would cook, the TV shows I would watch, the blogs that I would catch up on. My platonic boyfriend Tobey tried to tempt me to have a drink with him tonight after yoga, but I told him of my plans. He said, watch out because, like me, you might find that you are really good at single life.
Before any of my friends start calling for an intervention, I have to say a few words in my defense. First of all, I just started back at school, where I interact with people all day, and I could use some alone time. Second, this is really the first time in the three years since my divorce that I have chosen to spend blocks of time alone.
Right after my breakup I reveled in all the male attention I was getting and went on lots of dates. Then I started making new friends and taking on new activities that engaged my attention. I have to admit, though, that while this was great fun, I also dreaded having a night home alone, so I would make sure to schedule social engagements for all of my kid-free moments. I was a little bit scared to spend time alone for fear that I would feel lonely.
Yet, lately, I just love my solo nights. I get to cook what I want. While my kids are pretty good eaters, they hate some of my favorites such as butternut squash (it’s so sweet that it’s like candy- what’s not to love?). Tonight I got to cook and eat in peace and quiet. No one was here to interrupt me. No one spilled their food on the floor. No one asked to watch TV.
Now I am blissfully alone in my incredibly comfy bed waiting for my Showtime lineup. Tonight, with “Weeds” I get to fantasize that Andy Botwin/Randy Newman sous chef extraordinaire is my boy toy, not Nancy’s. And I also get to live vicariously through Cathy while she spends her retirement money on a fancy sports car and floats in a stranger’s swimming pool without actually having cancer myself.
At last Thursday’s yoga group, my friend Jackson dropped the bomb that he had broken up with his girlfriend. This week I think I will announce that I have broken up with Tobey. It’s not him, it’s me. I am having too much fun by myself. I am like Cathy who, in tonight’s episode of “The Big C,” gets a Brazilian wax for no one other than herself, except, well…I don’t really have a Brazilian…right now.
Related posts:
Mmmm….your dinner sounds yummy. If you keep making me hungry at 6 in the morning for turkey and butternut squash and fried green tomatoes I’m going to have to insist that you post recipes. With pictures. Like The Pioneer Woman. You could be our Ree of the divorce-coparenting-blog world. Yum. ;)
Oh, and I so know what you mean about the scary silence immediately post-break up. But having alone time is good for the soul, no matter who you are, isn’t it?
Jenn recently posted..what is sprezzatura
Yes, Jenn, it just takes a mental adjustment. I am not organized enough to take pictures and post recipes. The great thing about roasted vegetables is all they require is olive oil and salt and enough time in the oven, anywhere between 350-400. I might have the link to the fried green tomatoes. They were awesome!
I am so with you! Weekly, I attempt to spend two nights alone. If I don’t get my necessary downtime, it’s hard for me to be up.
What does Mark do those nights? Go out or hang in his man cave?
Golf, poker, scotch, etc. He’s such a guy. I kind of like it that way though.
You know, there are distinct advantages to a guy’s guy.
Sounds great on so many levels. Firstly you can be totally authentic since it’s only you; then you’re with someone who is interested in everything you have to say, but who is also comfortable with silence. How luxuriant and relaxing. One of the great things is that even people in a committed relationship can have a date like this with a little stealth—the perfect crime really.
Finally, it makes me think of the notion of Anima/Animus (http://bit.ly/cipfj0) because when we learn to be richly and lovingly alone without being lonely we’re more empowered to choose right relationships for ourselves, more ready to give love because we’re already getting love from within and it can flow out naturally.
Privilege of Parenting recently posted..First Comes Love
The perfect crime? I love it! Yeah, I think this would be a good launching point for a healthy relationship.
In my very peopled life & household I sometimes wonder what it’ll be like to be returned to solitude — eventually but not so long as you might think with all those kids. I loved a lot of it when I was single & even married but without kids. I am sure I’m a writer to get some (a work condition). I think I’ll really enjoy it when it returns. I love how you are finding pleasure in it & the reminder to others in your situation that finding pleasure in solitude might take some time.
Sarah Buttenwieser recently posted..Over-done-stretched-cluttered-spent
Like everything in life, solitude can be both a blessing and a curse. It’s all about the balance. I feel great alone on Monday nights, but somehow if I am alone on a Saturday night, I get to feeling lonely. Kind of silly, huh?
[...] Monday nights alone, cooking, writing, reveling [...]