Teach Your Children Well

The kids were fighting in the back seat of the car today, not a common occurrence but one that nevertheless elicits an inner groan from me.  Before I could say anything, however, Layla sweetly changed her tone of voice and said to Jonah, “I’m sorry that I smacked you with my shoe.”  Then she leaned over and started kissing his ear, her favorite body part on everyone.  So the admonishment that I was working up to turned to praise, as I quickly commended her for changing her attitude and asking for forgiveness.  This little moment filled me with immense appreciation and love for these two kids of mine that, on the whole, treat each other with such affection and respect.

When we were alone later, I asked her where she had learned to do that.  I had first assumed that she had been taught that at school while playing with other kids.  No, she said.  My mind examined other options, one of which was had she seen my ex and me apologize to one another?  I couldn’t possibly remember all the conversations that she has overheard from us, but I did hold out hope.

We’ll of course never know what our kids would have been like had we not broken up.  However, I do know what they are like now, and frankly, they are doing great.  Jonah is a very thoughtful and intuitive boy, who seems to naturally understand what motivates people to do the things they do.  He also is easy going and flexible and gets along with most people.  Layla, as I have mentioned, is much moodier yet has a sweetness about her that seems to charm even the most inveterate grumps.  Her smile lights up her face, and a room.

I am careful not to identify too closely with my children or accept too much credit, or blame, for their actions.  I tend to believe the Kahlil Gibran saying that children are not part of you but instead come through you.  They are their own people.  Yet I cannot help but experience a sense of pride at seeing how well my kids get along with each other and others, how they express deep love not only for their immediate family but for countless friends and adopted family as well, and how they seem to understand that conflict and anger are natural parts of life that can be quelled with the right attitude.  Despite our previous times of tension, I believe that with our peaceful divorce and ongoing friendship my ex and I have maybe, just maybe, been positive role models.

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