Today I am going to take on bedroom politics. I don’t care who you are having sex with. I want to know who you are sleeping with.
Attachment parenting has become quite popular and I have many friends who sleep with their kids. I have gone back and forth on this issue and on most days (or nights), I am flexible about having one of the kids sleep in my bed at a time. Jonah has become pretty independent and has always been my good sleeper so he is usually fine with not only sleeping in his own bed, but also falling asleep there. Layla is a different story.
Last night was the first night that I have been alone in my bed in a month and I slept like a baby. Since we have been in California, Jonah has slept on a portable mattress on the floor of my mom’s office, but Layla insists on sleeping with me. She is such a raucous sleeper though. One night she flipped herself around and had her head at the foot of the bed. One night she used my back as her pillow. Other nights she talks, laughs and argues in her sleep. It’s crazy. It’s a lot of activity when all I want to do is stay still and be quiet
Since my divorce I’ve developed a whole new relationship to my bed. First of all, now it is all mine. I usually still sleep on my established side, but recently I have started to take possession of the middle. Second, I now have a bed frame for the first time since I was kid. I found a beautiful vintage cast iron bed and I love it. I feel like a princess there. I have a memory foam mattress that I simply adore, and I’ll be honest with you, sleeping has become a desired activity like never before.
My ex and I used to cuddle nicely, but he always has had a strained relationship with beds. Like his dad, he tends to fall asleep wherever he is, on a couch, at a table, in a chair, even on the floor. When we lived in an apartment or one-story house, I would wake him up in the middle of the night and bring him to bed. Once we moved to our house in Northampton, it was too wakeful to shuttle him back to our sleeping quarters.
I used to think that a couple should always share a bed and that there was something wrong with the relationship if they didn’t. Now I’ve realized that nighttime is for sleeping and that other amorous activities can take place at different moments and in different places. Maybe the Cleavers had it right with their matching twin beds. A good night’s rest is so key to one’s happiness. Why muck that up with a partner tossing and turning, snoring or trying to snuggle?
I’ll admit it. I’ve slept with a few guys since my breakup. One was a champion spooner, but had been single for a decade and just didn’t like the way I slept so he always took off in the middle of the night. Another wanted to touch me all the time and I had to instruct him that it was sweet when we first woke up or went to bed, but when I was ready to sleep, it was hands off. Another was easy enough and we had great bedroom banter, but he was also an insomniac and I felt weird that I was sleeping so well while he was staring at the ceiling.
So what do you all think? Who is in your bed? Do you love sleeping with your child or spouse? Do you need your space? Do you have separate beds or bedrooms? Exactly how do you manage your bedroom politics? And while we are on the topic, can anyone tell me why a sleeping child looks so beautiful and a sleeping adult not so much?