Kids Say the Darnedest Things

The first day of school

Today is the last day of school for my kids.  Jonah biked for his last time (his new ritual), and I pushed my dear sweet Pokey in the stroller (I am hoping that she will be able to walk next year).  I was getting all choked up as I said good-bye to the principal, the teachers and other parents.  My kids had the best teachers and classes this year, and it is so nice to see them thrive.

We all want the best for our children.  That was one of my biggest concerns when my ex and I broke up.  Having come from a very loving and tight-knit family where divorce was the furthest thing from anyone’s mind, I was worried about bringing my kids up in a (damn this term!) “broken” home.  But lo and behold, my kids are flourishing in spite of (or perhaps because of) our divorce.  In fact, I think they are better off with separated parents because we are now kind and loving with one another instead of tense and at each other’s throats.

There is much that I could say about this topic, but I have noticed that it’s harder for me to write about the kids than it is to write about my ex and me.  They are so close to my heart, and today of all days I am wearing my heart on my sleeve.  So instead I turn to a more amusing topic…my kids’ reactions to our post-divorce dating life.

In the first year after our breakup, I started seeing a guy who had three kids of his own.  Jonah, who is my social butterfly, said to me one day.  “Mama, I want you and Udi (the name he made up for his dad) to get re-married so that I can have a mom and a dad at each house.  And I want some more siblings too.  Wow this is going to be fun!”  I had  to admire his enthusiasm.  Like me, he often looks at the bright side of a situation.  Clearly he is in the more love is more love camp.  My response was … “Sure, honey, but you let me pick the man, okay?”

When I was dating Marc, the kids made a couple of funny, yet poignant remarks.  Marc is 55, quite a bit older than anyone else I had dated.  The kids adored him because he rolled around on the floor with them and threw them in the air, typical kid pleasing activities (his own boys are grown up).  I was therefore surprised when one morning Jonah told me that he didn’t think that Marc should be my boyfriend.  His reasoning?  That he didn’t look “right” for me.  When I asked him why, he said that he looked too old and that my previous boyfriend looked “better.”  I explained to him that looks weren’t everything and that what was inside of Marc was more important.  A few days later the four of us were in Marc’s car, heading to the bowling alley, and Layla, the parrot, repeated the same thing right in front of Marc, who, by the way, thinks that he looks much younger than he does.  I was a bit mortified, but luckily he laughed at how tough kids can be.  However, now that he has broken up with me, maybe I should remind him that he looked too old for me anyway.

Adults often think about things in their heads but have learned not to share every thought with others.  Kids…not so much.  So just like Jonah compared Marc to another boyfriend, Layla one day compared me to my ex’s girlfriend.  She said that her laugh was not as loud as mine, but that her butt was just as “jiggly.”  Considering that she is 26 and I am 43, I think that was a major compliment.  I’m just so sorry that she isn’t having as much fun as me.

Back to Marc…when he broke up with me, Layla looked me straight in the eye and said,  “You don’t need him, Mama.  You’ve got us.”  You’ve got to appreciate that she has learned female solidarity at five years old.

The last one is my current favorite.  Jonah said to me a few days ago, “Mama, you know why you aren’t dating anybody right now?  Because your stories aren’t very interesting.”  That one hit below the belt.

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