For the past couple weeks, I have been mulling over how to deal with my differences with certain people. I have been wondering how to reconcile conflicting desires or ideas in a productive manner. It is fascinating to me how two people can have completely different perspectives on the same set of circumstances. Is it possible to reach an agreement or can we agree to disagree? Is it possible to put hard feelings to rest and move on?
Right now, I am feeling fundamentally unresolved.
Yet as I was ruminating over this, I mistakenly opened a file on my computer that contained this poem that I wrote around the New Year in 2011. It made me feel better so I thought I would share it with you again.
* * * * * *
Can we resolve this argument already?
I want to go to sleep,
But we can’t take our anger
To bed with us to fester.
This was how I was raised,
To believe all must be resolved,
Or else it will grow inside
Of us, and its evil will
Grow rampant like a toxic fungus
And take possession of our hearts.
Yet this approach did not work.
My drive to resolve all conflicts
Led me instead to marital exhaustion,
To endless nights of verbal sparring,
Quixotically searching for our desired resolution.
No wonder I was happier divorced.
The house was once again peaceful,
And I could get uninterrupted sleep
(Well, when the kids let me).
Now I’ve adopted a different approach.
I look inside before I react.
I let petty things go, and
They find their own resolution, in
Their time, in their own way.
One might think that I just
Sweep them under the rug. However
They aren’t there, stealthily waiting to
Ambush me at any turn. Instead
My lack of attention to them
Allows them to evaporate, so gently.
So let it be resolved that…
When irritations, frustrations and disagreements arise
I’ll take a time out first,
I’ll process them externally only when
Absolutely necessary, and after I have
Taken time to cool down and
Refocus my energy, find my center.
And I’ll remember that humor and
Perspective go a long, long way.