Irresolute Resolution

Posted: August 23rd, 2012 | Author: Molly Monet | Filed under: challenges | Tags: dealing with conflict | 7 Comments »

For the past couple weeks, I have been mulling over how to deal with my differences with certain people. I have been wondering how to reconcile conflicting desires or ideas in a productive manner. It is fascinating to me how two people can have completely different perspectives on the same set of circumstances. Is it possible to reach an agreement or can we agree to disagree? Is it possible to put hard feelings to rest and move on?

Right now, I am feeling fundamentally unresolved.

Yet as I was ruminating over this, I mistakenly opened a file on my computer that contained this poem that I wrote around the New Year in 2011. It made me feel better so I thought I would share it with you again.

* * * * * *

Can we resolve this argument already?

I want to go to sleep,

But we can’t take our anger

To bed with us to fester.

This was how I was raised,

To believe all must be resolved,

Or else it will grow inside

Of us, and its evil will

Grow rampant like a toxic fungus

And take possession of our hearts.

Yet this approach did not work.

My drive to resolve all conflicts

Led me instead to marital exhaustion,

To endless nights of verbal sparring,

Quixotically searching for our desired resolution.

No wonder I was happier divorced.

The house was once again peaceful,

And I could get uninterrupted sleep

(Well, when the kids let me).

Now I’ve adopted a different approach.

I look inside before I react.

I let petty things go, and

They find their own resolution, in

Their time, in their own way.

One might think that I just

Sweep them under the rug. However

They aren’t there, stealthily waiting to

Ambush me at any turn. Instead

My lack of attention to them

Allows them to evaporate, so gently.

So let it be resolved that…

When irritations, frustrations and disagreements arise

I’ll take a time out first,

I’ll process them externally only when

Absolutely necessary, and after I have

Taken time to cool down and

Refocus my energy, find my center.

And I’ll remember that humor and

Perspective go a long, long way.

7 Comments on “Irresolute Resolution”

1 amygutman said at 5:07 pm on August 23rd, 2012:
Very wise! And very Buddhist-infused. :-)
amygutman recently posted..The month of sitting quietly (Life Experiment # 8)
2 Molly Monet said at 5:11 pm on August 23rd, 2012:
Thanks, dear. I’m polishing my inner Buddhist :)
3 Adrienne said at 11:19 am on August 24th, 2012:
“Resolution” is such a layered concept. My husband and I started out trying the more, shall I say, ‘traditional’ approach…but have done so much better, over time, as we learned to give each other room to breath. To be. I’ve grown to believe that even in the closest of relationships not everything has to be agreed upon, settled, fixed etc…and that acceptance, grace and a desire to learn from our differences build something much much stronger over time. This is really lovely …. I miss your ‘six word’ voice!
Adrienne recently posted..Rocks. Salt. Fun.
4 Molly Monet said at 12:09 pm on August 24th, 2012:
Thanks for sharing, Adrienne. I miss my six word voice as well. Is Melissa still doing it? I only get sporadic emails about it.
5 Michele said at 11:21 am on September 19th, 2012:
Love that poem! Great advice! Thanks..
6 PollyAnna said at 5:02 pm on October 26th, 2012:
Molly, your silence is deafening.

Just for the record, I like reading your work just as much when you are worried and confused as when you are zen and have it all figured out. Just because you’re in a tough spot doesn’t mean that you have nothing to contribute; to the contrary, I am still interested. I still believe that yours is an important voice in the divorce blogosphere, and that you have something important to say, even if it’s not all pretty all the time.

Pure speculation on my part – maybe you’re so busy with a new lover and watching your kids laugh and having dinners with your ex and reaping the rewards of your job that you don’t have time to write. But if things are a struggle for you right now, I’m so sorry, but think no less of you and would still love to hear your thoughts.
PollyAnna recently posted..Rolling with the waves
7 Molly Monet said at 8:34 am on October 27th, 2012:
Pollyanna-

Thanks so much for reaching out! I have just been so busy since school started in September that I haven’t had a free moment to reflect and write. But I have ideas brewing and your comment is a good impetus for me to write a piece this weekend. xo