Sometimes happiness comes under the most unexpected of circumstances.

Call Me

Posted: February 8th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: dating stories | Tags: , , | 8 Comments »

I know, I´m taking this shot from a very low angle. But, you can never be too careful around Sarah after dark.  Sometimes her automatic villain elimination system gets a bit prone to false positives after a long day of walking.  Limited visibility on nigh

I haven’t had my first coaching session yet (that happens tomorrow), yet I have already learned something from her.  Sheila had me fill out a relationship scan to inform her about my dating history.  She asked about any marriages, of course, and then about any relationship that lasted over 6 months.

That number kind of threw me off because I have had lots of relationships since I broke up with my husband that have seemed significant to me, yet I have only had two that made it past the 6 month mark.  It was interesting to note what those two relationships had in common.  We had long, almost daily, intimate phone conversations.

For months now, I have been trying to write a piece on relationships and technology because I have noticed how much Facebook and texting have changed my romantic connections.  It could really be a several part series, but what I will say now is that, for me, texting, email, instant messaging, and Facebook are not satisfying substitutions for talking to my lover on the phone.  I like to hear a man’s voice, to hear how he responds to my words, and to experience the back and forth flow that only a telephone or face-to-face conversation can provide.

Coincidentally, one of the aforementioned exes has recently ended a relationship and moved back to Northampton, where I was visiting friends this weekend.  We got together for coffee and talked non-stop for two hours.  I told him about the relationship scan that I had done and how I had thought that what had really kept us together for as long as we did (about 15 months) was our daily conversations.  He agreed and made a couple of great observations about technology.  Having a conversation with someone who checks their smart phone is like having a three-way, and that third person is an unwelcome intruder.  He also noted that as fun as Facebook and texting are (and God knows that I love them), they don’t qualify as deep, meaningful conversations.

Inadvertently, I have already learned something from Sheila: that I want to be with a man that likes to talk on the phone because with child custody schedules, it is the only way for me to feel like I can keep the intimacy alive.  In fact, now that I think about it, phone conversations are what have kept me so close to my family in California all these years of living on the East Coast, and they have helped me feel connected to my closest friends in Northampton.  Clearly, Deborah Harry was onto something when she said, “Call me on the line. Call me, call me any, any time. Call me.”

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8 Comments on “Call Me”

  1. 1 ayala said at 7:36 pm on February 8th, 2012:

    I have to agree with you, Molly. I love the intimacy of talking on the phone with friends and family and in this case a lover. :)

  2. 2 Mandy said at 9:54 pm on February 8th, 2012:

    Interesting discovery! I’m so looking forward to reading your posts as you work through the program.

  3. 3 Pennie said at 11:17 am on February 9th, 2012:

    I loved tbe comment about being with someone who is checking their phone is like having a three way. Too true.

    Molly your blog has been a huge inspiration for me in thinking of my divorce and custody arrangements. You helped me think out of the box. We are bird nesting with mixed results but are committed. Thanks so much.

    Pennie
    http://Www.thiscuckoosnest.com

  4. 4 Molly Monet said at 11:32 am on February 9th, 2012:

    Pennie-

    I’m glad to hear it. Mixed results are part of the landscape. I didn’t start writing this blog until about 3 years after my husband and I broke up. It takes a while and it is always a process. But thinking outside the box leads to such beauty! Keep it up.

  5. 5 Adrienne said at 11:51 am on February 9th, 2012:

    Nothing (nothing) beats a good, long and genuine conversation. I’m so with you there. I hope that our kids and their kids will have the good fortune of learning and knowing that! I’m a bit ‘envious’ of the relationship coach ~ I think that exercises/investments like that into self discovery and awareness are priceless…whatever motivates them!!

  6. 6 Molly Monet said at 12:05 pm on February 9th, 2012:

    Well, Adrienne, you can follow along and apply them to whatever personal context you’d like :)

  7. 7 megan said at 9:38 pm on February 12th, 2012:

    cant agree more about the phone contact. Although nice to get a quick text once in a while nothing beats a phone call at the end of the long day. Maybe this is the reason that my relationship has lasted over two years and we are now happy living together living with my three children from a previous marriage!

  8. 8 Molly Monet said at 5:49 am on February 13th, 2012:

    Megan-

    Thanks for sharing. I love hearing success stories.


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