Single Awareness Day
Posted: February 14th, 2011 | Author: Molly Monet | Filed under: single life | Tags: being single after divorce, children, happiness | 16 Comments »
Valentines Day is so controversial. One of my students, who recently broke up with her boyfriend and whose parents are going through a divorce, aptly termed it “Single Awareness Day.” She does make a good point. Even if you’re happy being single, this day has the ability to make you feel like a girl that hasn’t been asked to the prom (I so didn’t want to go anyway).
People must have a heightened sense of loneliness today because I received a bunch of e-mails on OKCupid (my new online dating service- Match was too boring). I also received some Valentine’s wishes through text. While the sentiment is lovely, I really found myself wanting to forgo the reminders.
According to the Huffington Post Divorce section, divorce filings increase around Valentine’s Day as unhappy spouses see romantic couples and sweet TV commercials reminding us of the importance of love, and they realize that their relationship is over. So while some may see it as the most romantic day of the year, others feel bitter and resentful about the lack of passion and partner appreciation. Aren’t we giving this day too much power?
I don’t remember Valentine’s Day being so special when I was married. My ex wasn’t fond of forced gift giving, and as the years went on and we had kids, it seemed more arduous to make ourselves celebrate this holiday. Maybe my happily married friends will tell me otherwise, but I think this is a holiday most appreciated by the newly coupled. Young love is best for romance and gooey sentiment. I know because I had a great Valentine’s Day last year. But this year I just get to watch my friends tell me about their romantic getaways and reflect upon my own single status.
One of my favorite bloggers suggested that maybe instead of focusing on romanticism and commercialism today, we should make this a day to celebrate love in general. My little Layla woke up today with so much love in her heart that it was impossible to miss out on. She couldn’t wait to put on her red and pink clothes with hearts on them, to give away her hand made Valentines, and to bring homemade banana bread to her teacher. She told me that she was everyone’s Valentine and that they were hers. Try feeling cynical in the face of that!
Later in the day, we received gifts from my parents. It made me realize that they have been my most constant Valentines for years. They never forget the day. One year I received a bouquet of red tulips from them. I remember feeling a bit disappointed that they weren’t from a romantic interest (just my parents who kind of have to love me). Yet now that I look back on those gifts, I feel so fortunate to have so much love from my family. Love is love, and I’m certainly not going to squander it.
As I think about my singledom, I have to say that I really enjoy so much of it. Sure, I’d love some witty companionship and hot sex. No one would turn that down, but until I find that, I’m happy being with myself. Belinda recommended self-love as a Valentine’s Day tradition and I’m all for it. Tonight I went to yoga and then came home, made myself a great dinner, laughed on Facebook and wrote. I feel great. So if you’re feeling like your life is a bit devoid of passionate romance, think about all the love that you do have and count your blessings.
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Married or single, tell me your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. What did you do to celebrate? Or does the day annoy you? You can be honest.
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I just think of it as the one day of the year to focus on and celebrate LOVE. Just think, a whole day focused on loving. Not war, not the birthday of some person I never met, not some religious holiday where I don’t even believe in the religion…it’s simply about love. Can that really be so wrong? Of course people can make it about the love they don’t have instead of about the love they do have. So happy valentines day and remember, I love you my friend.
That’s a great way to put it. And I love you too my friend and I am so grateful for our long-lasting friendship!
From my earliest memories, my mom (and sometimes dad) would give us a valentine on Valentine’s Day. It was always sitting next to our breakfast dishes and it was accompanied by some small chocolate. It was, and remains, one of my favorite childhood memories.
As for me, I still send valentines to friends and family, letting them know I love them. Celebrate love? But of course! Let us not be limited to “romantic” love, but celebrate the ones we love.
Thanks for sharing that, Athena. I think next year I will remember that and celebrate my friends and family instead of thinking about just about romantic love.
As I was reading this I thought of my parents as well. They never forgot a Valentine’s Day, which maybe I took for granted. Enjoy the ones you love. You have great love in your life. The rest will come when you least expect it. Belinda’s post was beautiful, I enjoyed your reflection on it.
ayala recently posted..Sweet Nothings And Valentines Day
Well, clearly a lot of us had great parents! I’m glad that I wrote this post so I could hear about others’ experiences. They make me like the day more than I thought.
For awhile now I have chosen to focus on love in general on Valentines Day. Seeing all the sentiment doesnt make me feel more lonely or in want of a man. I want that special someone but its not magnified on this day. I want to highlight for my kids the greatest love of all and that is the love of God. Parents are probably right after that! There are same basic principles to love in my opinion and want them to develop their own to take into their love relationships.
I love the picture too! Very cool.
Happy Tuesday to you!
Michele
Michele recently posted..Whos That Guy
Thanks, Michele. I love this photo too. I think that you have a really great point which is that maybe we make too much of an issue over having a partner or love interest.
Since we started making Valentine’s Day a celebration of friendship (every year we go out with the same couples), the pressure has been taken off and we can just have fun. I was never a fan but now it’s a night I look forward to. I agree with you, Molly that making this Hallmark holiday into your own version of love is the way to go.
Thanks for sharing, Laura. I’m so glad to hear about alternative celebrations.
I wrote a little Valentine’s Day post but the truth is my hubby is usually away that day for work. I agree: early romance = big valentine’s & then it does seem especially with kids forced. So I do love making/giving Valentine’s (although I didn’t do any this year) & I like the idea of love, friends, kids, parents etc. My grandfather always sent a card, love from Guess Who??? & ever since I’ve missed him on that day. In its way, that is a Valentine. I get to think of him every year on that day (& I really do). He was a tough guy in many ways so the sweetness is especially tender for me.
Sarah Buttenwieser recently posted..A Valentine to the Imperfect Morning
If you want to feel better (sort of) about no romance, see Blue Valentine. I’m not much for special days, seeing that each day is a gift and a reason to be thankful for my wife Fran. She totally ignores them. So we went for a good brisk hike (reminiscent of how we met).
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you know, i’ve never been down with the forced commercialization of holidays in general, valentine’s day (and now, mother’s day) especially. but i have always appreciated a simple acknowledgement, some homemade something or maybe some flowers, and a reminder of love, love love, all you need. and now, with my kids? super good lovin’ fun. super fun, let’s make a bunch of lovey stuff, love notes, love drawings, valentines, mama will make food in heart shapes (pizza and cake last year, cookies this year) and mom and dad will remember to be all loving in front of the kids and we’ll just talk about hearts and love and good and you know? that is all good. i love that.
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As I reflect on all my reader comments, it seems to me that Valentine’s Day is best celebrated between parents and children than romantic partners. Less pressure, more fun!
We do put way too much emphasis on the one day as a society. My very unscientific theory is we can blame it on rom-coms with glossy happy endings. While I enjoy watching these films, I do think that sometimes we make the mistake of comparing our real lives to the perfect Hollywood happy ending, forgetting that fiction isn’t real and while a movie ends after two hours, real life goes on for much longer and has so many more dimensions than can be captured on screen.
Sounds like you had a fine evening. We stayed in and shared a home-cooked meal, read books and stayed away from super-packed, super-expensive restaurants.
[...] is Valentine’s Day and I considered re-posting what I wrote last year, a piece called Single Awareness Day. February 14th can be a tough day for singles, especially us women who are fans of romance and [...]