Model Exes: Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen
Posted: January 11th, 2011 | Author: Molly Monet | Filed under: joys, marriage | Tags: ex husband, friendship after divorce, wedding | 12 Comments »
I usually find the magazines in the supermarket checkout so depressing. In fact, now that I think about it, that may be one of the things I like best about Whole Foods and River Valley Market. They don’t peddle garbage to you as you are trying to leave.
However, today I was behind someone slow at Stop n Shop and saw an article in People magazine that grabbed my attention. Valerie Bertinelli got remarried recently, and her famous ex husband Eddie Van Halen was in attendance. Bertinelli and Van Halen wed in 1981, when I was fourteen, and it made an impression on my young adolescent mind. As the years passed, and they outlasted all expectations, I was actually happy that they beat the odds. But like many long-term Hollywood marriages, like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, theirs did not last. Marriage is difficult under so-called normal circumstances, it would seem damned near impossible for people who have a constant stream of attractive admirers offering themselves up.
Now that I seem to have morphed into the new role of peaceful divorcee, my impressionable middle-aged mind looks around for signs of happy divorced couples that are still friendly and doing a good job of co-parenting together. I know that it is a bit quixotic to look to celebrities for role models, but the truth is that they do get a lot of our society’s attention. I have been disappointed in the way that the Huffington Post has reported celebrity break ups (usually train wrecks).
Call me an optimist, but when I read about Elizabeth Edwards’ death and heard that John was with her at the end, I imagined peace. I imagined forgiveness. I imagined nothing but the expression of love, for the family that they created, and for each other. None of us will probably know what when on in that room, but that’s my vision of it.
So I was delighted to see that Bertinelli and Van Halen are still good friends. People reported that Van Halen and his new wife were guests at the small wedding, and there are photos of the bridegroom hugging the ex-husband. I couldn’t help but feel my heart melt a bit at that photo (you’ll have to check out the magazine to see it because it’s not on-line). It was a genuine expression of affection and happiness over his ex-wife’s new union. Who knew that I would turn to Eddie Van Halen as a role model? Maybe he hasn’t handled everything in his life the way I would, but he seems to have handled his divorced life well.
That’s how I envision my future: my ex and I happy for each others’ successes and pleased that we have found other partners, having extended family celebrations together, maybe even attending each others’ weddings. It certainly takes time to get there, but I feel like we have come to a place where we could do that. Already I have come to see that his current girlfriend is both great for him and the kids (a future post in the making). So here’s to deep and loyal friendship after divorce. If two celebrities with high pressure lives can do it, so can anyone.
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YES! I love that too. Thank you for showing us yet another inspirational couple!
T recently posted..Versions
A lovely example. Thanks so much for posting this.
BigLittleWolf recently posted..To Be Or Not To Be- Choosing Your Child By Gender
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Hopefully with a financial settlement out of the way and a little time to heal, maybe my wife, er, soon to be ex-wife and I will be able to be amicable once again. It would certainly be a heck of a lot less stressful. :-)
William Belle recently posted..Writing- James Patterson
I guess what you describe would be in the “high road” camp. It’s not always the easiest road to take! My ex and I actually do talk and hang out at the frequent sporting events our kids have. Lately, I sense less of the wall he had put up. I am sure I, also, had a similar wall up. It’s a protective mechanism for sure. We always have gotten along great and hang out easily so it doesn’t surprise me that we can do this. There are still people who don’t know we are divorced.
Why then did we get divorced? Oh ya, I was going to stop asking that question. I, of course, think about him constantly throughout the day. How does one stop these thoughts? Do I want to be friends with someone I still love very much, who is the father of my children, and has been my best friend for 20+ years? Hmmm.
Michele recently posted..Happy New Year
Molly, I admire you for the steps you taken to ensure your ex is still very much in your life and was surprised at how much he is involved. I can say that while my relationship with my ex is amicable, it’s arm’s length. However, our conversations are mostly about logistics, parenting and other things related to our daughter and we can and do attend her sporting and school events together. And if other events or issues come up in our lives, I have no doubt I could go to him for support, whether it be emotional or financial. And might even let him come over to do laundry if he’s desperate. Yet, after having know him for over 23 years, I can’t say he’s my best friend any more and I’m ok with that. He has a girlfriend and I am just starting a new relationship. Yet, I often find myself wondering if I ever loved him. That was confirmed for me the other day when I found a giant Christmas card that he made me on our very first xmas together over 23 years ago. It was a goofy poem on a piece of poster board, declaration of young love. I showed it to my daughter and told her that yes, her Dad and I were in love, that I still loved and would always love him, but that it was just different.. And she said.. “that’s what Daddy told me too” So, if he’s at my wedding (if I decide to get married again, some day), then I welcome it. Thanks for writing this blog and putting things into perspective.
Oh yeah, the legal process sure stirs things up. That’s why I tend to avoid dating men who are going through it. Hold the vision of peace and amity!
Thanks for the thoughtful comment and your appreciation for my blog. I think you gave your daughter a great response.
It sounds like your breakup is still a bit tender, Michele. Ironically, an ex boyfriend contacted me today seeking closure and forgiveness (he broke up with me abruptly). I feel like every time I see him, it stirs up hurt feelings for me. I understand that can be an impediment to friendship. But we don’t share kids that keep us tied. Keep at it! I know you’ll find the right balance for you.
I’m curious, Molly, talking about amicable ex’s. Does your ex know about this blog and if so, does he read it and if not, is that by design or by chance?
William Belle recently posted..Assembly Line Writing
He does read it on a regular basis. He even texted me after reading Much Ado About Nothing saying that he was sorry for not putting things on the shopping list all those years. When I first started the blog, he read it and I wrote a post about it. http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com/35/thats-what-she-said/
It has actually facilitated discussion and understanding between us.
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